Archive | February, 2013

The Last Way to Say Goodbye

25 Feb

Dear ED,

 

Do you realize just how much you hurt me?  Just how much you make me want to disappear?  Do you know how much I have cried because of you or wanted to die because of you?  You never fail to put me down, to tell me how pathetic, worthless and fat I am.  Never forgetting to remind me of things I have done wrong and how I do not and will not measure up to those around me.  You always seem to have the answers too, letting me know how I can be “better” and get “better”: just eat a little less; lose the last five pounds.  Everything will get better then.  Yeah?  No.  It never does, ED.  I follow your rules, I obey, and once I get there, nothing changes.  In fact, you repeat yourself and tell me “just those last five pounds” again.  You add more rules to the list, and the cycle only continues.  Sadly, I keep listening to you because I believe your every word.  I put my trust into you.  It’s like you have me under a spell, like you’re a siren leading me in with your song.  Yet, I know when I crash, you won’t be there to help me.  Instead, you’ll put me down for crashing even though it was YOUR fault.  And if you had it your way, you’d make sure no one was around to help me, to at least gie me a helping hand, some sort of support.  Because let’s face it ED, you’re SELFISH.  You don’t want me to have anyone else in my life but you.  You want me hopeless and dependent on only you.  I’ve seen this in action.  I know how you work.  You’re abusive, ED.  you abuse me left and right.  You abuse me physically and you abuse me emotionally.  This isn’t a healthy relationship and it’s time I break it off.  It’s not me, it’s you and I deserve better.  I am tired of the hurt, the pain, the sadness.  I am not weak like you think I am and my life is going to be so much better without you.  I know you won’t be easy to get rid of, I know you won’t just walk away because of the abusive, selfish thing that you are.  Eventually you will tire out, especially when you see how happy I am without you; when you see that I won’t stay down to let you kick me.  Trust me, you’ll grow tired, you’ll grow bored.  Maybe you’ll get a glimpse of the pain you made me endure.  It will only be a glimpse though because the amount I felt from you could never be repeated, nor would I ever wish it onto anyone else, not even the devil himself.  But you WILL feel that sting, that burn when you see what true happiness is.  I will be able to focus on the man I love and experience life with him.  I’ll be more of a part in my niece’s and nephew’s lives.  I will be a better sister, daughter, and friend.  I will finally be able to help those who have always been there to help me.  I will finally have the strength to be a support for someone else.  I will have the motivation, drive and strength to reach my goals and dreams, because I won’t have your heavy negativity dragging me down.  We’ve spend many, many years together and this isn’t going to be easy but I know it’s possible and I know it’s the right thing to do.  It’s time to break up this relationship, ED.  I’ve never written something like this before, this is new to me.  I think this is the piece that has been missing.  I’ve needed the final and formal break up to happen.  I’m in love, and it’s not with you.  Goodbye ED. 

 

I choose life over death.

I choose life over you.

I choose happiness over perfection.

I choose to let my true beauty shine through.

 

~Meghan (the girl you have abused one too many times)